Create a Life You Love. 1st Step: Awareness

Once upon a time, I believed that I could fix my life (and my marriage) by getting skinny, making a lot of money and surrounding myself with The Lady's Future by Ernest Chirikastuff.  I created unrealistic ideals of how life would be “perfect” if I could just get “there.”   And I believed that by getting “there” I would suddenly change all of the screwed up dynamics in my family.

In the meantime, I put on all the masks and disguises to make it appear as if I were living the perfect white-picket-fence life.

And, frankly my dear, it was exhausting.

So, a few things were wrong with my thinking:

I believed that looking at – and changing – external factors could create satisfaction with life.

I believed in the mythical “there” and that if I could just reach “there” I would be happy.

I believed that I could change others by morphing myself into who they wanted me to be.

I believed that what I wanted and desired wasn’t important.

I believed all kinds of “truths” about myself. I believed lies and excuses over what I knew in my heart.

And then, one day, the lock on the gate to my perfect white-picket fence-appearing life rusted right off and the gate opened.  For months (and months) I gazed upon the grass outside the open gate, too afraid to put a toe across the line.

And, as anyone who has taken their own walk through the fire will tell you, I had to hit rock bottom in my marriage and life in order to gather enough courage to walk out that damned gate.

What did it take for me to put on my big-girl panties and my best high heels?

A real good understanding of this thing called “acceptance,” and the realization  that I no longer wanted to tolerate a hell of a lot of things in my life.

I didn’t want to tolerate a façade of a marriage.

I didn’t want to tolerate a life without love, intimacy and sex.

I didn’t want to tolerate sacrificing my dreams in an attempt to make someone else happy.

I didn’t want to tolerate the constant wearing of masks in every moment of existence.

I didn’t want to tolerate not living and not creating.

I didn’t want to tolerate ignoring my basic needs of self-care.

I didn’t want to tolerate having no faith in myself, my innate creativity or my intuition.

So, what did I do?  I put on some sexy high heels, armored myself with stockings and lipstick, and gathered enough faith and courage to step out of the damned gate.

Of course, now that I had this epiphany around the concepts of love and faith and courage, I became impatient to get  to create change.  NOW.  I wanted to jump ahead and transform my life overnight.

I wanted to leave every single thing I had tolerated for so many years behind.

Let me tell you, sister.   Though fairy tales and rock stars make us believe that there is an opportunity to be an overnight success, in reality, that just doesn’t happen.  You have to begin exactly where you are.

Change takes time. It’s about baby steps.  It’s about choosing a destination and plotting a course. And it’s about beginning to move forward.

I believe that amazing and radical changes are possible.  But they don’t happen overnight.  You plant seeds, push the dirt of resistance aside, and eventually you begin to bloom.

The true keys to creating a life you love include:

  • Awareness of where you are and what you are tolerating.
  • Accepting the fact that you can only begin where you are (and that you cannot skip ahead to the fun or juicy parts).
  • Creating a vision of who you want to be, what you want to do with you time and your life, and how you want that to look.
  • Planning the steps on how to get there.
  • Taking action.  Yes, darling, you have to get dirt under you nails.

I’ll be flat out honest with you, baby: sometimes growing in awareness and clarity can be painful, especially if you judge yourself for what you might see.

And it isn’t sexy.  In fact, during my most aware moments, I was a hot mess.

But then, there is the other side of awareness: it’s like stepping into a crystal clear stream on a hot Texas Day: cooling and refreshing.

Refreshing because you are taking off your masks and standing in the glorious nakedness of who you were born to be in this world.

And when you begin leaning into the awareness…accepting where you are… this is when you begin creating a life you want to live instead of simply existing or reacting.

What about you, darling?  Are you ready to make changes in your life?  Are you ready to let go of the excuses?  Are you ready to be honest with yourself as to what you really desire in your life?

What is the brutal reality of the number one thing you are tolerating?

Are you ready to be held accountable for what you say you want?  Are you ready to take responsibility for changing your life and let go of the blame game?

Then, darling.  It’s time.

It’s time to embrace the awareness.  Yes, darling, the good, the bad and the ugly parts of it.  It’s time to take that awareness, accept where you are and create a plan to make your dreams a reality.

You can do it, darling.  You deserve it. I have so much faith.

Are you where I was a decade ago:  standing on the edges afraid to take that first step into awareness?  Want help hashing out a vision and a plan in order to create a life you love? Get some help.

Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar begins on September 22nd and will give you 12 months of support as step along your new path in life.

And if group coaching isn’t your thing, check out my one-on-one coaching opportunities.  Schedule a chat with me.  And if we aren’t a fit? Ask me for a referral to a coach who may better fit your needs.

PS – Not sure what questions to ask yourself to create that awareness?  My eBook “Are You Ready to Roar?” is FREE and includes a 22-Question questionnaire to help.  (And if you decide Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar fits your needs, the return of the questionnaire gives you a nifty discount on tuition.)

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By Debra Smouse: Writer, life coach, and Tarnished Southern Belle, Debra helps people fall in love with their life. An expert de-tangler, she believes in busting clutter as a path to greater clarity and that within every woman is vibrant, passionate, and sexy being just itching to make their inner sex kitten roar. A native Texan, she resides in Ohio with the Man of her Dreams.

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