Valentine’s Day is a source of disappointment for some folks.  We want a romantic rendezvous with our partner and are disappointed because they don’t behave in the way we want.

It’s true that accepting yourself  is critical to living the life of your dreams, but in addition to making peace with yourself, you also have to make peace with those that you love.

Look.

I won’t discount your hurt or disappointment, but I want to encourage you to accept the person you love for who they are.

When we get into relationships, we want our partners to accept us and love us for who we are – warts and all.

And the flip side of that is that we accept the people we love for who they are – warts and all.

I had one of the best Valentine’s Days ever this week.  We each worked on Valentine’s Day, doing work that we enjoy. We played a round of golf (on X-Box, thanks to the cold weather). We had a lovely dinner with candles and wine.

The old me would have found fault in the day, but the me of now found perfection in every moment of  the day.

The key was in truly accepting my partner for exactly who he is, and in his acceptance of who I am.

I always bring to mind Byron Katie’s thoughts on business: “There are three kinds of business: yours, theirs and God’s.”

I’m not telling you to swallow your disappointment. Allow your feelings of what your expectations of the day were to guide you to what your real desires are.  Journal about it and let it guide you to open and honest discussion with your partner about those desires and expectations. Allow your partner to honestly communicate his desires and expectations, as well.

You fell in love with that person in all their perfections and imperfections.  Continue to accept them for who they are in the moment.

Accepting those that you love will lead you to accepting yourself – loving yourself – more deeply than you ever dreamed.

Love is acceptance.

Love is communication.

Love is appreciation.

Love is forgiveness.

Love is making peace.

With those you love.  And with yourself.

The Best Valentine’s Gift Ever

February is a time of love. For the romantics, Valentine’s Day is a time of flowers and romance, while for the cynics, it is a red and pink Hallmark holiday.  Men and women alike share feelings of shame and failure if they are not in picture perfect relationships come February 14th.

Too often, we get stuck in creating a picture perfect life based on societal – or family expectation. We focus on what a mom should be doing, what a girlfriend or wife should look like, how a friend should behave….we take to heart and believe that if we don’t fulfill who we should be we are failing at life.

I, too, am guilty of that in my not-so-distant past. I spent many years putting all my efforts into being what someone else wanted me to be. I was never thin enough, quiet enough, pretty enough, organized enough…. That basically, nothing I did on a daily basis was enough to satisfy everyone.  My inner critic joined the chorus.  We take these thoughts to heart and believe them to be truths.

Let me tell you a real truth, sweetheart: 

YOU ALONE ARE ENOUGH.

I won’t lie and tell you that breaking free of this mindset is easy.    Just as with every relationship, the one you have with yourself takes work.  As you begin to plant the seeds of change in your world, know that the dirt will come up. There may be a few tears that go along with the laughter, but both are important – the tears and the laughter – as they each possess an amazing restorative power.  (Allowing yourself to feel may be a foreign concept to you.)

I also won’t lie and tell you that you can wave a magic wand and change your life overnight. It would be nice if that were possible, but the honest reality is that it’s a journey of steps.

The first step is this: you must stop making war with your heart and accept yourself exactly as you are in this moment.

I know, I know. I can hear the arguments, excuses and justifications bouncing through your brain.  How you need to lose 20 pounds so you’ll be pretty enough to find the man of your dreams.    How you need to write a best-selling novel so that you can quit your job and change the world.  How you’ll be happy when you are thin, in a great relationship, have $100,000 in your bank account and have a best-selling novel.

Let me tell you something, darling:  the time is NOW.

Because if you are waiting for things to CHANGE before you get IT, then you’re going to be waiting a long time.

Don’t get me wrong.  I believe to the depths of my soul that you can be happy.  I believe that you will write a series of best-selling novels.  I believe that you can find love.  But in order to accomplish those big dreams you must take this first step:

You’ve got to make peace with yourself as you are in this very moment.

Now, let me be clear. Making peace with your current self doesn’t mean that you are choosing to remain stuck; instead, you are choosing to end the argument with reality.  Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is, has said that if you argue with reality, you will lose 100% of the time.

From the moment I began to make peace with myself, with exactly who I was on that day, my life began to transform.    I began to forgive myself for not being perfect.  I began to forgive myself for past mistakes.  I let go of the self-image of a women who didn’t deserve to have fulfilling work or be in a healthy relationship and have discovered that I am more than worth the most powerful love of all: the love of myself.  

And so are you.  You are worth loving.

I wake up each morning with a good idea of who I am and a feeling of contentment. I have proven to myself that I matter, that I am enough, and that anything I really want in life is a possibility.

I want you to give yourself something special for Valentine’s Day:    Accept the amazing person that you are in this moment so you stop resisting reality.

In fact, give your soul the power of the written word and create a peace agreement with yourself.   When you write things down, it allows your lizard brain, your inner critic, and your heart to work together instead of against each other.

I’ve made it super easy for you:  download a Peace Agreement by clicking here.    Need ideas for what you should write?   These are some of the items from my personal Peace Agreement

• I will embrace my imperfection
• I will not judge or criticize my ideas or dreams.
• I will not wait to wear my good perfume, my nice underwear or use my good linens.
• I will eat without guilt.
• I will not beat myself up for getting off course.
• I will observe myself with compassion.
• I will be curious about actions I take that don’t align with my goals.
• I will recommit regularly to my dreams.
• I will align my dreams with my personal values and how I want to feel so that I take action towards what I desire, not what I think I should do.
• I will make time for rest and for play, because my body and soul deserves both.
• I will allow myself to feel – I will laugh and I will cry.  I am human and am allowed to feel.
• I will honor myself by saying “no” to things that don’t align with who I want to be and saying yes to those things that do.
• I will love myself completely.

And once you create your very own Peace Agreement, begin the process of discovering what it is  you really want out of life.

You have to root around in your heart to find your passions, your soul to discover what passions really are uplifting, and your mind to examine the muddle through the possibilities. Once your heart, soul and mind have weighed in, don’t rule out your gut. Eventually, you will learn that your gut is helping show you the difference between external expectations and what is truly your desire, unadulterated.  (My eBook Create Your Compass is a great tool to help you discover what you really want).

 One day, the light bulb will go off above your head and not only will you know what you want, you will realize you are actively pursuing it.

This is what I call living in the zone – right smack in the middle of the sweet spot.

Just because it’s not the New Year doesn’t mean that you can’t start today on the discovery to what you truly want. It’s not a “resolution” about being a better person, it’s about accepting yourself for who you are and beginning a journey on the path to  finding your passion in life.

You can start it any day you want.  So why not begin today?

The relationship with yourself maybe the most complex one you will ever have, but YOU, my dear, are worth it.

Take that first step.

Make peace for Valentine’s.  Not War.

Love,

PS -  Download YOUR Peace Agreement by clicking here.

Hi, sweetie.  It’s me Debra. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately and since we have officially arrived in the month of February, I wanted to create a Valentine for you.

D’you know what?  

I flat out adore you …

Honestly, I do!

You may say, “oh come on … you don’t even know me”, but hear me out.

You’ve got a beautiful soul.  I know that’s true.

And, maybe, because life’s has been so challenging for … hm-m … a long time now, you’ve been telling yourself that you must not really deserve to be loved and that most likely happiness just isn’t going happen for you.

So let me tell you what I can do for you.

When you are feeling overwhelmed by life – torn at needing to fit everything into your schedule, accomplish the big picture goals, keep on top of the laundry and get a decent amount of sleep, I can help you.  What we’ll do is look at all the pieces of the puzzle that is your life – and rearrange them in an a new order – an order that makes you say “awwww – that feels good”.  This may require throwing away some of the pieces that belong to other puzzles – the ones that you included in  your puzzle box of life because you should.

Think of me as “Johnson’s No More Tangles”.   I can help you un-tangle your schedule and your life.

When you feel scattered  - as in that feeling where not only are you not living your life – you are just hanging on by the knuckles to survive – I am here for you.  To hold space for you as you allow yourself to fall apart – and to help you pick up the pieces and reassemble them into something that feels like a life you can thrive in.

When you feel shame…that soul-sucking shame over your life experiences, past choices and/or what you really want out of life, I am here to listen – to hold your hand – to help you see the best in yourself.  I’m not squeamish about relationship messes, familial squabbles, the fight with your best friend nor the details of your sex life.  There is never “TMI” where you’re concerned. 

I won’t judge you at all – instead I can tell you that I understand.

When you are worried, I am here for you to unload your burdens.  I’ll help you sort through the things that are within your control – and help you realize what eggs you are holding from another person’s basket.  Your basket is a customized size made just for you – and  can only hold your eggs, sweetie.  Other people are responsible for their own eggs – and the rest of the eggs belong in God’s basket.

When you are scared, I’m here to be your cheerleader.  I know that deep within you lies courage.  You just don’t recognize it.  Or maybe –just maybe – you feel you need permission from someone else to be courageous.  I’ll give you permission to step up in your own life and make it your own.

When you confess to me that you don’t want to live the life you are expected to live, I will understand.  I’ve been there –living a life that I was expected to be living – being the perfect mother and the perfect wife.  When it all fell apart, I began to discover what I really wanted in life and became an explorer and an adventurer.  I learned that living outside the lines of polite society’s expectations is an awesome place to live.

I will support you in pursuing your dream and breaking out of your shell.

I’ll confess that at times, I may make you angry.

That’s because I see the best in you and won’t always believe the bullshit excuses and stories you have about yourself.  When I question the rules you’ve written for yourself – and the story you’ve fondled to death, I know that you may get angry with me.  I’m not doing it to make you angry, though it may.  I’m doing it because I love you. 

And because I see the best you that you can be – even if you are unable to see it in this moment.

I believe in spirituality and will support you in your pursuit of the religion of your choice.  I will encourage you to meditate, because I know that when you are quiet and still, the real truth of what you need and want in life will surface.

I will encourage you to write – to write about the things in which you are grateful.  To  celebrate the amazing things you do each and every day.  To give yourself credit for your accomplishments.   To define your own version of success.

I will encourage you to be kind to yourself.  To treat yourself with love and respect.  To get enough sleep, eat good food,  get a little exercise and hydrate.

I’ve seen more of life that you might know.

I grew up with a mentally unstable parent.  I was in an emotionally abusive marriage.  I’ve lived with teenage girls.  I’ve traveled the country and have crossed paths with some pretty interesting characters that have forever changed the way I look at the world and I am blessed for that exploration.

I’ve given myself the gift of a loving relationship.  I say that this is a gift because I first needed to learn and understand that I deserve to be loved  – and that it’s OK to be happy.

So, yes, babe….let me assure you….

No matter how tangled or scattered you are feeling, I adore you and am here to help you.

No matter how much shame or worry you are experiencing, I adore you and I am here to listen.

No matter how scared you may be – or disillusioned you may be about the course of your life, I will adore you and help you see the fabulousness that is deep inside you.

That’s right, darlin…. I adore you exactly as you are in this very moment. Warts and all.

I’ll be honest:  I want the opportunity to work with you so that I can be in your life.  I want to serve as your cheerleader and bullshit detector.

 Our relationship will be two-fold.

I get to see your break out of your shell, shed your limiting beliefs, and begin living your life smack-in-the-middle of the zone.    I get to witness you becoming the most amazing version of yourself.

On the flip-side, your presence in my orbit helps me embrace and live my dharma – which is to serve others – and allows me to wake up excited each morning because I get to interact with an amazing and beautiful soul – YOU. 

It’s a win-win situation – a  symbiotic relationship.

So, let’s be frank….I want to stop adoring you from afar and begin adoring you up-close and personal.  Schedule a Discovery Session.  Drop me an email. Let’s figure out a way to let our orbits collide.

Because you deserve to be adored.

Love,

When I was a little girl, I was great at telling stories.  I had tea parties with my imaginary friends, my Barbie dolls had rich, full lives, and thanks to me, Nancy Drew never ran out of new mysteries to solve. I also filled notebooks with dozens of essays and short stories. (My momma may have said some of my stories were fibs and that many of my essays were the result of a wild imagination, but let’s not digress.)

Whatever I was doing though, the greatest toy I had wasn’t the tea set, the doll, or even the perfect pen.

It was my innate creativity.

For many people, creativity means that you have to make something great. You’re only creative if you’ve painted an artistic masterpiece, penned a best-selling novel, or starred in a blockbuster film (that you also wrote and produced).

I have news for you, sister: that definition of creativity is just, plain wrong.  Everything you do requires creativity.  Every action, every word, and every choice you make is part of your creation. You are creating something each and every day, even if you feel out of touch with your creative spirit.

If your acts of creation have become forced, tiresome, or are happening subconsciously, it’s time to take a new kind of action. It’s time to take your creative spirit by the hand, and nurture it. It’s time to let your muse sing, and your imagination soar.

Sometimes it’s difficult to imagine the life of our dreams.

We fence ourselves in with concepts like “balance,” “security,” “less busy,” or “rested,” but the reality is that living consciously, and attaining the life of your dreams requires that you draw on your creative spirit.

Rather than staying grounded in the mundane world of should and expectations, you explore ideas by  dipping into the rich well of imagination and desire.

One of the best ways I’ve found to ignite – or reignite – your creative spirit is through the practice of writing. My coaching clients write on a regular basis. Sometimes, they keep a record of their gratitude for the blessings in their lives. Sometimes they’re invited to complete an exercise describing a fantasy day or explaining their definition of success.  From a seemingly simple prompt or activity, one elegant idea is born, and it can transform the way you approach yourself and your life.

I love my life, and I don’t mean just the parts where we’re spending weekends together at home, or the time spent traveling. I mean, I love my every day life: my work, my trips to the grocery store, and being a partner to an amazing man.  The rebirth of my creative spirit that led me away from an unfulfilled, unhappy, lonely existence and into this wonderful life sprang from the written word.

Recently, I’ve been writing about a series of courses to help people find clarity and boost their creativity. My first course, about the relationship between clarity and clutter, began this week.  Right now, more than two dozen amazing women across the United States and Canada are clearing their physical spaces and reorganizing their mental spaces at the same time, and we’re all having a great time.

A repeat of the Clutter Busting class begins on February 5th, and I’ll be offering more courses throughout the year, including a journaling class set to begin on March 8th.

I’ve also been cooking up some creative magic with my dear friend Melissa Bartell. Beginning on February 7th, we’re kicking off the first of nine classes designed for the Writer in You with “Kindle Your Writing Fire: 30 Days of Creative Sparks.” Though initially geared toward bloggers, this course is an excellent way for anyone to begin – or begin again – a regular writing practice.

In Chinese astrology, 2012 is the year of the Dragon. My wish is that you embrace that blazing energy, unleash your creative spirit, and set the world on fire.

At Least When It Comes to Clutter

With my first eClass beginning next week, my thoughts have been centered on what it means to be clear about the direction of your life – all kinds of clutter.

I’ve talked about the turning point in my life, when I finally got that no amount of stuff will make you happy, and I’m betting when some of you hear the word “clutter,” you think of an episode of Hoarders or Clean House or crazy cat ladies. You envision closets stuffed with a century of clothes and “Mount Wash-More” in the laundry room. You imagine guests arriving, but being unable to walk into a room because of crap on the floor and piles of papers and dishes on the counters.

This is clutter in the big sense of the word.

And ten years ago, my world could be described in that way. If we were having guests, there was an hour of panic as things were stuffed into closets and under beds.

When I learned to love myself – the real me – I began to shed clutter and get the bulk of my physical world in order.  As my physical world began to shape up, my doubts about my purpose on this planet began to shape up too.

Life crystallizes when your physical space is in order.

But that isn’t the only clutter I had in my mind’s eye when I was creating this course.

 “Clutter is not just the stuff on your floor—it’s anything that stands between you and the life you want to be living.” — Peter Walsh

We live a pretty uncluttered life, in the big sense of the word.  My bed is made daily.  An unexpected visitor could pop over and I wouldn’t be embarrassed. In fact, I could quickly produce a snack and a beverage without needing to dig around for it.

Nevertheless, there is a reason I chose “streamline” as my bonus word for the first three months of 2012.  My days are not as productive as they could be, and much of that productivity loss is due to clutter in the smaller sense of the word.

The last quarter of 2011 was busy for JB and I. We made three trips to Chicago, spent a week in New York, and a long weekend in DC.  We went to holiday parties and had a houseguest. We also completely redecorated the dining room, the living room, the family room, and breakfast nook.  In all that busy-ness, I fell out of many of the routines I have in place that keep me organized.

Papers didn’t get filed and new files weren’t set up for all the new purchases. When I went to pull a pair of scissors out of the “junk drawer” in the kitchen, I found receipts, pens, gum but no scissors.  I baked four cakes and twelve dozen cookies in a week, but had to dig around for the cinnamon – a must in everything I bake. 

And I don’t even want to mention the disorder in my closet.

Some folks may see these pockets of small clutter as no big deal and part of living an average life.    Who cares, right?  Everything I mentioned is in a place that can be hidden away if an unexpected visitor popped by.

But what if I told you that each pocket of clutter I am accepting as “normal” was what was really distracting me from my best work?

Our minds are creative creatures. That old lizard brain wants to keep us safe and unchanged, and clutter helps keep us from stepping into our best possible living.

Big clutter and small clutter – this is a case where size really doesn’t matter.

Everything has energy: the cup we drink our coffee out of, the outfit we wear to work, our beautifully made bed and the stack of laundry.  We need the energy in our lives to focus on our work, for our dreams, for challenges and for staying healthy. 

Every time we encounter something in our world that is undone, incomplete, or overdue, our energy to focus on what matters the most is drained.

We need to pay attention to what we are telling our subconscious minds when we hold on to clutter. Every time you open a drawer and have to look for something, your mind refocuses.  It turns to the task of finding scissors and distracts you from writing that chapter of your book, that blog post, that sales letter or the perfect line of a song.

When energy is consistently flowing out to things that don’t really matter or to things that distract you, you have to play tricks in order to get by.  You have to “get more” things to keep your energy up.

I could decide to “get organized” and to do it all NOW.  I would start the day with a couple of back-to-back Venti Mochas from Starbucks, launch into hyper mode, and run around like a crazy woman clearing my spaces. I’ve done that before and ended up somewhat organized.  I also end up exhausted and no clearer in my thinking beyond “clean”.

Or.  I can do what I know works – and what 30 Days to Clarity:  Clutter Busting Edition can do for you: get things streamlined, de-cluttered, and organized in small, steady doses.

This approach allows us to slowly add routines and build a momentum of organization, without the exhaustion at the end.

It also adds to – instead of draining – that precious energy.

Getting clear in your life by dealing with your clutter – big clutter and small clutter – will allow you to direct your precious energy towards creating the clear path to a life lived in the zone.

Just think:  You and me (and more than a dozen kindred spirits). 30 Days.  30 Minutes (or less).  Clearing space.  Clearer thinking.

(Click here to join me – class begins Monday, January 22.)

It’s going to be a blast!

When I was a little girl, my mother would soothe away a bad day by buying me a new Barbie, a Nancy Drew book, or new barrettes.  She would make up after a fight during my teenage years by buying me a new pair of shoes or a sweater.  When I became an adult, I was convinced that the answer to soothing negative feelings was the purchase of new linens or a sweater.  I believed that happiness could be found with purchased treasures.  Soon, my home became filled with knick knacks, dishes, and way too many clothes.

When I was in my 30s, I discovered that no amount of stuff would make me happy.

I began shedding things in all areas of my world. I got divorce, and about a month after it was final, a good friend of mine spent several hours helping me get rid some of the stuff that cluttered my world.

After we finished, we dragged everything to the curb.  I still recall standing there looking at the piles of unnecessary and useless stuff that I didn’t love and didn’t need yet had spent untold sums of money on.   I wondered how I could have believed that the piles of possessions could fix my marriage or make me feel happy or secure.  At that moment, gazing upon trash, I was wowed at how my heart felt.

My heart soared for I had rediscovered faith in myself, not possessions.

I learned that in order to begin living the life I knew I was meant to be, I needed to begin to let go of perfection, as well as allow myself to feel.

 There are many reasons that people surround themselves with stuff.

Sometimes, buying something makes you feel good for a little while.  Sometimes, we think that if we have enough money, we will be happy.  Sometimes, we think that with the right brand of jeans or shoes, or the newest cell phone, we won’t be sad or lonely.

Though I shed a lot of stuff in those first few months after my divorce, as time passed, I discovered that there was still some clutter in my world.

 After my mom died in the summer of 2010, my sister and I helped our father clean out Mom’s closet. I was saddened at the volume of stuff.   We ended up with twelve 50-gallon trash bags full of clothing, shoes, belts and handbags.  Many of the clothes still had the price tags on them.  Lots of the shoes were unworn.

I’ll be honest.  My mother was an unhappy woman.  No matter how many new clothes and pretty shoes she had, she couldn’t find satisfaction in life.

I realized that no amount of stuff will make you happy. 

And in fact, too much stuff can actually stand between you and the most amazing life that you were meant to live.

Everything has energy. Everything from the clothing that you wear, to the books on your shelf, to the coffee cup on your counter.

After Mom died, I really got the fact that everything in my environment had energy.

I began to shed stuff.

Six months after Mom died, I sold my house in Texas.  I reduced belongings filling 2000 square feet of space down to a 5×5 storage space, what would fit in my car, and the couple of suitcases of clothing I had brought to Ohio on previous trips.

I discovered that happiness and satisfaction came from within.

Look around you.

Have you been filling your space with stuff to make yourself feel better?  Do your surroundings enhance your life or make you feel stressed?  Is your wardrobe made up of tasteful pieces that you will wear for seasons to come or is it crammed with items you rarely wear?

If you are seeking treasure, I can tell you where it’s found.

The treasure in your life isn’t stuff.  It’s YOU.

YOU are an amazing individual with a beautiful soul and a great heart.  You have special gifts to share with those around you.  You may just need to dig it out under the things you’ve got covering it up!

Clearing clutter out of your physical space is a step towards getting clearer about your purpose in life.

It’s challenging to life your best life when you are surrounded by too much stuff.  It’s also overwhelming and can be challenging as to where to start.

What if I could help you?

I may not be able to come over and help you sort through your closet, but I can be there in spirit.   On January 22^nd, the first series of my 2012 eCourses will begin:  30 Days to Clarity:  Clutter Busting Edition.

In order to make space in your life for the new and brilliant to come in – you have to release the old and crusty. Each day of the program, you’ll get an inspirational note with a task designed to take 30 minutes or less.

And I’ll let you in on something: I’ll be de-cluttering and organizing right along with you.   My most disorganized spaces are my closet and my top desk drawer.  What are yours?

Over the last few weeks, I have been walking you through the process of choosing three words to serve as your guiding focus for 2012.  Beyond simple words, though, these are words culled from a thousand, drawn from the depths of who you are at your core and what you really want for this precious, beautiful life of yours.

You named your rudder by clarifying your personal values, you got in touch with your anchor (aka your heart’s desire) by clarifying how you want to feel, and you defined the actions that you need to take to be true to your values while moving towards how you want to feel so that action will serve as your sails.

Some of you may still be working on this process.  If you are, I want to congratulate you for doing this in your own time instead of being a slave to the calendar page.  Find your own beautiful rhythm and take your precious time.

This week’s blog post is going to be more personal than most of those here, as I had promised to share my personal compass with you.  I’ll be vulnerably honest here about two facts:  One, I had a hard time narrowing down my words and have been meditating over eight colored notecards for what feels like ages;  two, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go public as I have been contemplating the balance of transparency and vulnerability over the past few months.

But here I am, choosing to be both transparent and vulnerable.

I believe in the power of your intentions out in the Universe.  I believe that the velocity of power that is created when we “share with the class” creates a special energy.  I believe that I am best able to serve my clients when I am transparent about who I am at my core and what is valuable to me.

 The value I chose to serve as my guide for 2012 is “passion”.

If I am not passionate about my life, my projects, and each and every client I work with, then I am of no service to myself or others.  Passion is a driving force in every area of my world.

In 2012, I want to feel “love-struck”.

I love my life.  I love coaching and writing. I want not just to love the areas of my life, but to be in love.  This year, I will romance everything in my world, as I know that if I don’t feel love-struck about something, it’s the clue that it needs to go.

No matter what I do professionally, I will always have the heart of a writer.  Having the stomach of a writer, however, is a bit more challenging. I want to embrace that challenge head-on.   The best moment of my year, at least with my clothes on, was the completion of my ebook. I have an undying passion for words and I know that there will always be a deep need to read the words of the wise and share the words that reside within me.

My powerful action word for 2012 is “write”.

And now for a secret:  I am cheating and have added a 4^th word for the first quarter of 2012.  For everything I desire to create and for it to feel successful – by my definition of success – I need to add an additional action these first few months:  streamline. There is tremendous power in routines and I need that power so I can rock my days by being more productive.

So, in order for me to embody passion, feel love-struck, and to write in 2012, I need to simplify  and streamline my daily world.

 Let me share a little.

In addition to one-on-one coaching, I will be offering two series of e-courses in 2012 about subjects for I have immense passion:  clarity and creativity.

The thought of being clear – and helping others find clarity makes my heart swell with love and joy.

Helping others re-ignite their creative fire makes me fall in love with the power of the creative process every damn time.

Beginning on January 22^nd, the first series of my 2012 eCourses will begin:  30 Days to Clarity:  Clutter Busting Edition.  In order to make space in your life for the new and brilliant to come in – you have to release the old and crusty.

Each day of the program, you’ll get an inspirational note with a task designed to take 30 minutes or less. How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.

I wrote it for those of you like me: wasting your precious energy searching for the scissors in the junk drawer.

“Clutter is not just the stuff on your floor—it’s anything that stands between you and the life you want to be living.” — Peter Walsh

No matter how organized – or disorganized – you may be feeling now, by the end of the course, you’ll feel worlds lighter.  It also promises to be a fun, effective and affordable way to make space in your life for what matters most.

Life crystallizes when your physical space is in order.

With “streamline” as my secret word for the first quarter of the year the creation of this course has helped me streamline my physical world as I help others free up energy and space in theirs!

So, now I’ve shared with you my personal compass, a secret, and a sneak peek at some of my plans for the coming year.  What  about you?  Tell me about your Compass, the one thing you want to accomplish this year, or maybe even a secret.  I hear confession is good for the soul.

PS – There is still plenty of time to Create Your Compass for 2012.  What’s keeping you?

(Image Notes:  I wanted to share an image that embodied my compass for the year.  This is me exploring the Aviation Trail in the Dayton area with JB.  Passion.  Love-Struck.  And my personal writings are often touched by him and my love of early aviation)

Creating Your 2012 Compass

I began replacing “resolutions” in 2007 with guiding words for focus.   I chose three little words in 2007 and they changed my whole life. My world opened up.  I transformed.  Every year since that time, I have chosen one to three words to serve as my guiding principles for the year.  My life continued to become richer, fuller, and more focused.  I blossomed. 

I discovered and embraced the real me, not the me I was expected to be.

I broke the rules I had written for myself.  And I began to create my life on my terms. I discovered that it was perfectly wonderful outside the box that I once believed I must live in.   I believe in the power of giving things up to God and the Universe. 

Let’s face it.  Resolutions are typically guided by a desire to fit in with outside expectations:  lose weight, eat healthy, get organized, etc.  Choosing a guiding focus for the year has everything to do with what you desire from the depths of your soul.

In my experience, the outside falls in line when you focus on your insides.

I don’t want you to make resolutions in 2012.  I want you to choose YOU and your innermost desires to fuel your most amazing year yet.

Let me be perfectly honest here:  I am incredibly blessed.  I am happy and live an amazing life.

Choosing a guiding focus got me here.  

When life became scary and challenging,  returning to my guiding principles of the year grounded me and guided me.

It served me through multiple changes in my business life.  It guided me as I began to finally heal from my divorce and embraced my power as a sexual being.  It comforted me through the devastation of my mother’s cancer treatment and the grief of her death.

It led me to take a huge leap of faith, risk heartbreak and immerse myself into a loving and healthy relationship.

I gave myself an incredibly powerful gift.  I am living a life that far surpasses what I once dreamed of. 

That gift can be yours.   You are going to choose your focus for 2012.

((If you haven’t yet downloaded your own copy of Three Steps to Sailing Into Your Best Year: Creating Your 2012 Compass check out these three ways to get your very own copy.))

Over the last three weeks, I’ve written about seeing your life as a ship.  In order to live the life of your dreams – the life you were meant to live – you lovingly and joyfully create a compass to guide you.

The first step was “Naming Your Rudder”.  Your rudder represents your personal values, and guides the direction of your life.   There is tremendous power in discovering and living according to our highest values, and experiencing inner peace as the natural consequence. If you are working through “Three Steps to Sailing Into Your Best Year”, you “Named Your Rudder” by you reviewed a list of more than 375 values, creating a personal guidebook of values and then got clear by reducing your number of personal values to nine or less.  

The second step was “Dropping Your Anchor”. Your anchor is how you want to feel.  The quiet whispers of your heart’s desires define that anchor.   If you are not clear on how you want to feel, then you have no way to determine if your actions are congruent with your hearts desires.  If you are working through “Three Steps to Sailing Into Your Best Year”, you took a list of more than 385 emotions, creating your heart’s map of desired feelings and then got clear by reducing your number of personal desired feelings to five or less.  

The third step was “Hosting Your Sails”.  Your sails are the action to propel you.  You embraced the fact that in order to journey upon the oceans, your ship needs power.  And the power for the life of your dreams is action. If you are working through “Three Steps to Sailing Into Your Best Year”, you took a list of more than 300 power-action words, defined the sails for your soul’s work and then got clear by reducing your number of power-action words to six or less.

Now it’s time to create your create your compass by drawing upon the clarity you’ve obtained in the last few weeks. Review the list of choices from each category.  Read them out loud and check in with your body.  Meditate upon them.  Pray.  This is not a time for judgment or guilt.  This is the time to tune into your heart.  You are going to choose one word from each step to create your compass.  (In the book, we work through methodically together to drill down to what is most valuable to you in 2012.)

Your compass is comprised of a Value, a Feeling, and an Action.

Together, these three little words will create tremendous power in your world.

You’ve now built your ship for 2012.  You’ve named your rudder by clarifying your values.  You’ve dropped anchor by listening into your heart and defining how you want to feel.  You’ve tuned into your soul and have sewn the sails to hoist.   And now, you’ve taken one of each of these critical components to living life in the zone to create your guide:

Your Compass for 2012.

Now it’s time to seal the words with your heart and mind.  Email or Call a trusted friend or mentor and share your guiding principles for 2012.  Sharing helps you seal your intention.  ((I’d be thrilled for you to share your compass with me – share your personal compass here in the comments or drop me an email.))

Write about them in your journal or blog.  Post them to Facebook or Twitter.   Write them on post it notes and place them in your office or your closet door or on your bathroom mirror.

Meditate and pray upon them. Embrace and celebrate.

Trust that God and the Universe will help guide you along the path.

And if you want help for your journey, I’m offering specialized Compass Coaching Plans,  which will provide you a year of support and accountability at a phenomenal rate.

All my love and joy to you and yours.

A very happy and safe New Year.

PS – I’ll be sharing my compass with you in next week’s blog post.

PSS – A side note about timing:   I am encouraging you – and desiring to hold your had – as you go through the process to set your guiding principles for 2012.  That doesn’t mean you have to have this decided by January 1 or even February 1.  (In 2010, I didn’t solidify my guiding principal of the year until March, and it turned out to be the most transformational year of my 43 years on this planet.)  Download the book and work through it in a few hours, in a day, or over a period of several days or several weeks.

There is no deadline or due date. You are not behind.  You are right where you need to be.  Be gentle with yourself. Find your own beautiful rhythm that fits your life in this space and time.

Every day is an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and create a fresh start.

The last couple of weeks, I’ve written about seeing your life as a ship.  In order to live the life of your dreams – the life you were meant to live – you lovingly and joyfully create a compass to guide you.  Though there are four points on a compass, this compass is made up of three parts.

Today, I want to talk about this third and very critical part, without which your compass can never fully assist you on your journey.

Look at building your ship this way:

Your rudder represents your personal values, and guides the direction of your life.  There is tremendous power in discovering and living according to our highest values, and experiencing inner peace as the natural consequence.

 Your anchor is how you want to feel.  The quiet whispers of your heart’s desires define that anchor.

Now your ship needs some assistance.  You need the anchor’s presence  to ground you.  You need your rudder’s direction to chart your course.  But no matter where your ship goes, but in order to journey the oceans your ship needs power.

To experience the best journey of your life, you are going to have to hoist your sails.

 Your sails are ACTION.

You can dream big.  You can create soulful intentions.  You can lay solid goals with milestones.  But unless you take action, you’ll never realize your dreams, intentions or goals. 

(If this sounds familiar, it’s because I gave you a big hint last week when I shared that you get clear about how you want to feel and then you begin doing things that make you feel that way.)

Yes, my dear, there is a very important component to living the life of your dreams…

Actually living.

You can create novels and symphonies in your head, but until you put pen to paper and record them, you’re not a writer nor a composer.  You’re a dreamer.    Don’t get me wrong.  I love dreaming.  I’m a huge fan of day dreams.  I applaud you being a dreamer.

But I want you to achieve your dreams, and you aren’t going to be able to do that unless you take action.

I’m well versed at being the writer who only dreams of writing and I’m so happy to tell you that I’ve completed my eBook Three Steps to Sailing Into Your Best Year: Creating Your 2012 Compass.  I’ve written hundreds of blog posts, essays and short stories in my lifetime.  I’ve completed big chunks of two different novels.

This is the first time I’ve completed a soul-centered – wholehearted, living book that I know I was meant to write.

This creation of my eBook was me – seizing the power of my purpose in life.  This was me stopping the cycle of writing only in my head.  I rose out of a creative storm of ideas, wrote a single blog post about viewing life from the top of the mast, and continued to write and build upon creating a powerful eBook.  One tiny piece at a time.

Actions don’t have to be huge acts, though they can be.  You can take baby steps by taking small, deliberate actions.  You can simply lean into and gently steer yourself toward the direction. Leaning and steering are powerful actions.

In my new eBook:  Three Steps to Sailing Into Your Best Year: Creating Your 2012 Compass the next step in creating your compass is Hoisting Your Sails: Rooting Out and Defining Your Power .

I know how scary it can be to take action.

It can be downright paralyzing.

The lizard brain begs you to be content with dreaming, because change can propel us into unknown territory.  Part Three: Hoisting Your Sails is a guidebook for helping you to overcome being paralyzed by rooting out and defining the powerful actions you want to take in your amazing and beautiful life.

I have faith in you.

I have faith that you will seize the exquisite power  of action as you  step into your dharma.

I know that you can take your sails from storage, hoist them, and let the ship of your life sail into the most amazing year of your life.

In order to celebrate the power of completion, taking action, and embracing the beautiful power of my dharma,  I’ve decided to release not just Part Three of the eBook, but all of it.  Yes, you can get 100% of Three Steps to Sailing Into Your Best Year: Creating Your 2012 Compass today.   It includes:

• Part One: Naming Your Rudder: Clarifying Your Value
• Part Two: Dropping Your Anchor: Getting Clear About How You Want to Feel
• Part Three: Hoisting Your Sails: Rooting Out and Defining Your Power
• Part Four:  Creating Your Compass: Three Little Words for 2012

Next week, I’ll write about how powerful “three little words” can be to you as your 2012 Compass.  I’ll also share with you my personal compass for 2012.

I had originally intended to release each part of the book on a different week. But I want you to have every possible tool at hand to help you set course for making 2012 you best year yet before Christmas.

What about you? 

What actions do you want to take?  What’s holding you back?

What can I do to be the wind as you hoist your sails?

Much love,

PS – This is the week of Christmas as well as Chanukah.  I want to wish the best of the season to you and those you love.

PSS – Initial reviews of Three Steps to Sailing Into Your Best Year: Creating Your 2012 Compass call this eBook/eCourse/eWorkbook  “powerful and effective”, “fantastic”, “warm and inviting.  I’ve been told it should be priced at $25.  There are three ways to get your very own copy.

• One:  As a holiday gift to my subscribers, this powerful tool is available complimentary for a limited time.  Simply go here to subscribe and upon confirmation, you will be emailed a link to download all the parts of the eBook.
• Two:  Purchase the book here at a discounted holiday rate of $15.00.
• Three: Purchase a Year of Support and Accountability with a Compass Coaching Plan.   I’ve designed three custom Compass Coaching Plans to take your work to the next level.

I have a couple of questions for you:  How do you feel today? 

How do you want to feel?

During my journey in living the life of my dreams, I’ve learned two important lessons about feelings.

One – you have to learn to identify your feelings and actually allow yourself to experience them.  All of them.  Yes, even the not-so-nice ones like anger, shame and embarrassment.  And yes, even the good ones, too.  Because all too often we feel we don’t deserve to be happy, experience ecstasy or embrace pleasure.

Two – you get to choose how want to feel.  When you get in touch with your heart’s deepest desires, it will whisper to you that it wants to experience some area of feeling good.  Identifying how you want to feel is critical to charting the course for the life of your dreams.   You get clear about how you want to feel and then you begin doing things that make you feel that way.

In order to set sail into the life of your dreams, you need to clear about everything. 

And this includes how you want to feel.

Just like our personal values are the rudder of our ships will become a basis for plotting our life, if you aren’t in touch with your heart’s desire, then creating your year can’t happen.   That’s because your ship needs an anchor.

And that anchor is how you want to feel.

Dropping anchor allows a ship to be still and deliberate.  Dropping anchor is how a ship settles into port to allow new things on board as well as getting rid of rubbish and unneeded items.

Look at it this way.  You come up with goals and visions for the areas of your world – personal and career.  You believe that if you actualize that goal, it will give you a level of feeling successful, worthy and satisfied.  When you reach a goal, how will you feel?

Sometimes, we reach goals and feel something unexpected:  dissatisfied, anxious or even empty.  When we look at it, we realize we set a goal based on outside expectations of us, not our inner burning desires.  But  if you get in touch with how you want to feel, then your actions and goals will be ones of your heart of hearts.

You get clear about how you want to feel.

 And then you begin doing things that make you feel that way.

If you are not clear on how you want to feel, then you have no way to determine if your actions are congruent with your hearts desires.

So, let me ask you again:

How do you want to feel in 2012?

There is no right or wrong answer to this question.  Don’t allow guilt to play into wanting to feel the way you want to feel.  In order to live in the zone, you need to follow your desired emotion.  Let it roll.  It’s deep inside your heart for a divine reason:  it’s a guide for you to fulfill your purpose.     You have a right to be happy – and one of the steps to being happy is being in touch with your feelings.

Last week, I told you about my new eBook:  “Three Steps to Sailing Into Your Best Year : Creating Your 2012 Compass”.  Last week’s blog post introduced the first concept in “Naming Your Rudder”, a guidebook for clarifying and defining your personal values.

The next step in creating your compass is Dropping Your Anchor: Getting Clear About How You Want to Feel.   Because what we focus on grows, choosing to focus on the feelings you want is a key component for creating the life you desire.

 Part Two: Dropping Your Anchor is a guidebook for clarifying and defining how you want to feel. Going through this process will bring your crystal clear clarity.  Defining how you want to feel will put you on course to living the type of life you truly want.

And whenever you find yourself in the midst of a storm, you will simply need to get in touch with your heart by dropping your anchor to the depths of the sea.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment and tell me what you think your own guide words are now, so that we can compare later.

PS - Initial reviews of “Three Steps to Sailing Into Your Best Year : Creating Your 2012 Compass” call this eBook/eCourse/eWorkbook  “powerful and effective”, “fantastic”, “warm and inviting.  I’ve been told it should be priced at $25. However, as my holiday gift to my subscribers, this powerful tool is available complimentary for a limited time.

(Simply go here to subscribe and upon confirmation, you will be emailed a link to download all the parts of the eBook.)