How to Forgive Others: 5 Steps to Heal and Move On

The holiday season can bring out the best in people. And sometimes, the worst. Family gatherings stir up old dynamics, the same arguments resurface, and before you know it, you’re carrying around hurt that weighs heavier than Aunt Betty’s famous broccoli casserole. Learning how to forgive others, especially family, isn’t easy. But holding onto anger and resentment only keeps old wounds open.

Picture this: your sister tells a story at the dinner table that makes her look brilliant and leaves you looking foolish. She laughs, everyone chuckles along, and you sit there simmering. Or maybe another sister is bossy (once again) telling you how you should live your life as if she knows best. The frustration builds, the anger simmers, and you can’t seem to let it go.

Here’s the truth: they are who they are. They may never see the impact of their words or actions. But you don’t have to stay stuck. Forgiveness is possible. And it’s the best way to begin healing and moving on this season.

Why Forgiving Others Matters

When you hold onto resentment, it’s like dragging a suitcase filled with bricks into every gathering. You think you’ve left the past behind, but every sharp comment, every dismissive glance, feels heavier because of what you’re carrying.

Forgiving others doesn’t erase the past. Rather, it frees you from living inside it. It doesn’t excuse what happened. It simply transforms it from a wound into wisdom, giving you the space to show up with more peace, compassion, and strength.

Here’s five steps to learning how to forgive others and find the healing you crave:

Step 1: Acknowledge the Hurt

Don’t minimize it, and don’t gaslight yourself into pretending it didn’t matter. Name what happened and how it made you feel. Forgiveness doesn’t start with pretending everything is fine. It starts with honesty.

Step 2: Accept That They May Never Change

Some people genuinely don’t realize the impact of their behavior. Others simply won’t change. Waiting for them to “get it” will only keep you frustrated. They are who they are. And your peace doesn’t have to depend on their growth.

Step 3: Release the Expectation of an Apology

You may never get the words “I’m sorry” in the way you want to hear them. Forgiveness is not about waiting for someone else to do the right thing. It’s about choosing not to let their silence—or their obliviousness—dictate your peace.

Step 4: Choose to Let Go of Resentment

This is the turning point. Forgiveness is a choice you make for yourself. You’re not excusing their behavior. Rather, you’re saying, “I don’t want to carry this anger anymore.” And this is where you give yourself a priceless gift: letting go so you can live with more freedom, not more bitterness.

Think of it this way: replaying the same argument in your head is like watching the same frustrating movie every night. Nothing changes, but you feel worse every time. Letting go means choosing not to press play again.

Step 5: Protect Your Peace with Boundaries

Forgiveness does not mean letting people trample your heart again and again. You can forgive and still set limits. Sometimes that means shorter visits, changing the subject when gossip starts, or simply not engaging. Boundaries are how you keep your peace safe after forgiveness.

FAQs About How to Forgive Others

What if the person never apologizes?
That’s one of the hardest parts, but also the most freeing. Forgiveness isn’t about waiting for someone else to make it right. It’s about deciding you don’t want to carry their behavior inside you anymore. They may never apologize, but you can still choose to heal and move on.

Does forgiving mean I have to forget?
Not at all. Forgetting isn’t realistic, and it isn’t the goal. Forgiveness is about releasing the grip the memory has on you. You can remember what happened and still move forward without the weight of resentment.

What if they don’t even realize they’ve done anything wrong?
Sometimes people genuinely think their behavior is normal. Or even harmless. They may believe their bossiness is “helping,” or their sarcastic jokes are “just teasing.” Waiting for them to suddenly understand the impact on you will only keep you stuck. Forgiveness in this case means accepting that they may never “get it,” and choosing to stop letting their lack of awareness control your peace. You can acknowledge to yourself that it did hurt, while also releasing the need for them to validate your experience so you can heal and move on.

What if forgiving someone means they’ll hurt me again?
Forgiveness and boundaries go hand-in-hand. You can forgive someone in your heart and still decide not to put yourself back in a situation where the same hurt will repeat. Forgiveness releases the burden; boundaries protect your peace and allow you to move forward with healing.

How do I forgive family when the hurt keeps happening?
This is where acceptance is crucial: they are who they are. If you know your sister always tells stories that put you down, or your parent always makes cutting remarks, stop expecting them to be different. Then, choose how much access they get to your life and energy. Forgiveness becomes an ongoing practice, not a one-time act, and each choice helps you heal and move on.

What if the person has passed away?
When someone who hurt you is no longer alive, it can feel like closure is impossible. But forgiveness doesn’t require their presence—it’s an inner process. You can acknowledge the pain, name what you wish had been different, and then release the weight for your sake. Some people find it helpful to write a letter they’ll never send, visit a meaningful place, or create a small ritual of letting go. Forgiveness in this case isn’t about them—it’s about giving yourself permission to heal and move forward.

Isn’t forgiving just letting them off the hook?
No. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing or condoning bad behavior—it’s about choosing not to let their actions poison your life. You’re not saying what they did was okay; you’re saying it no longer has power over you. That’s how you reclaim your peace and move on.

Final Thoughts: Give Yourself the Gift of Healing

The holidays can stir up old wounds, but they can also be a chance to start fresh. Learning how to forgive others doesn’t mean you erase the past or excuse the hurt. It means you choose not to let it keep shaping your present.

At the end of the day, forgiveness is less about them. And more about you. It’s about choosing healing over hurt, growth over bitterness, and joy over resentment. This holiday season, the best gift you can give yourself is the freedom to heal and move on.