Choosing Quiet Over Chaos: How to Create an Intentional Holiday Season

It feels like the moment school supplies hit the store shelves, the holiday whirlwind begins. Back-to-school morphs into Halloween costumes, which tumble into Thanksgiving menus, Christmas trees, and New Year’s countdowns. From September straight through January, life starts to feel like one giant to-do list dressed up in glitter. But guess what? You don’t have to participate in the crazy-busy parts of it all. Instead, I invite you to create an intentional holiday season.

Instead I’m going to suggest something radical: do things different this year. See this as an invitation to slow down, focus on what truly matters, and embrace quiet over chaos. Because sometimes, the most meaningful celebrations aren’t the loudest or biggest. They’re the ones that leave room for connection, reflection, and rest.

Performance vs. Presence

I’ll never forget scrolling through Instagram one night and seeing a birthday party so elaborate it looked like a wedding reception: catered food, entertainment, professionally styled décor. Beautiful, yes. But I had to ask: is this about the joy? Or have was to so elaborate so that it looked Great for the Gram?

Because the truth is, this pressure doesn’t stop at birthdays. It snowballs right into the fall and winter holidays. Not just whether you hosted Thanksgiving, but whether you put on a play about the Pilgrims and ensured there are hand-lettered the place cards for each guest. Not just whether you put up a tree, but whether the wrapping paper coordinates with your holiday decorations.

Which begs the question: do we really want to spend September through January performing? Or do we want to actually enjoy an intentional holiday season that feels meaningful to each of us?

An Intentional Holiday Season by Seeing Beauty of Smaller Moments

Some of my most vivid holiday memories have nothing to do with elaborate celebrations. My mom loved to make birthdays feel special, but her magic wasn’t in elaborate parties, it was in knowing what I loved. For my 13th birthday, she bought me a new dress and a corsage. My gift was a strand of pearls and out for a steak dinner. I still have the pearls. And can recall feeling like a true teenager stepping into a new season of life. That memory still glows decades later, not because it was big, but because it was meaningful.

And that’s the real secret: small doesn’t mean less-than. Quiet doesn’t mean boring. In an intentional holiday season, the gentlest gestures often leave the longest-lasting memories.

Knowing Your Energy (and Your Limits)

My husband, JB, is an introvert. While I thrive on a little bustle, he recharges in the quiet. Over the years, I’ve learned how important it is to honor that balance—not just for him, but for myself, too. And it has given me the opportunity to learn that I, too, can benefit from creating quiet moments for myself.

So, even as an extrovert, you, too, can learn the value of honoring where you spend your energy. And the thing is the holidays can take more energy than we realize. The hosting, the shopping, the socializing? It piles up, and before you know it, the season of joy feels like the season of burnout. That’s where intentional choices come in.

Just like couples create a relationship vision to set priorities and avoid conflict, we can create a holiday vision for ourselves. A way to ask: What really matters to me this season? What can I let go of without guilt? And it’s all the better to have this conversation with your family members now rather than in late November when you’re already feeling overwhelmed.

Respecting the Needs of Others

Part of choosing quiet over chaos isn’t just about honoring your own rhythm. It’s about noticing and respecting the needs of the people you love. My husband, JB, is an introvert. For him, a day packed with gatherings and shopping drains his energy. Meanwhile, our extroverted friends, family, or kids might thrive on activity and connection.

The key is balance. Maybe the extroverted child wants to go to a holiday parade or chat with distant relatives, while your introverted partner needs quiet time at home. By acknowledging these differences, you can plan celebrations that honor everyone’s energy.

It might look like:

- Letting your introverted partner skip a big event while you handle a small gathering.
- Giving your extroverted child a chance to engage in a lively activity, then retreating together for a quiet family ritual afterward.
- Creating moments of intentional solitude or reflection for those who need it, alongside more social or festive events for others.

When we respect each person’s needs, we protect energy, reduce stress, and create space for joy—because a holiday isn’t really festive if someone is silently exhausted or reluctantly participating.

The other side of respecting the needs of others is to ensure that you are clear with extended family members on your plants so that your actual plans don’t fail to meet someone else’s expectations

Choosing Quiet Over Chaos

Maybe this is the year you decide:

- Thanksgiving can be a potluck instead of an elaborate, catered meal with your best China and a dress code.
- Christmas morning can be slower, with fewer gifts and more coffee in pajamas. Perhaps you opt out of going to your family’s big gathering and choose to stay at home instead.
- New Year’s Eve doesn’t need sequins and champagne and big parties. Maybe you choose an intimate affair with just the two of you. Or plan a casual gathering friends over take out, movies, and card games.

It’s not about doing nothing. It’s about doing what feels nourishing instead of what looks impressive. That’s the heart of a slow and intentional holiday season—moments chosen with care and attention to what truly matters.

5 Questions to Ask Yourself If You Want to Create Your Own Intentional Holiday Season

Here are some questions to ask yourself. You know I think of your journal as one of your closest confidantes, so you might want to work these out on the page. No need to tackle them all at once—pick one, see where it takes you, and come back whenever the mood strikes. Consider it a quiet conversation with yourself, the kind that helps you figure out what you really want this holiday season.

- What moments truly bring me joy? Pause and ask yourself: which parts of the holidays energize me and which leave me drained? Focus on the joy-filled activities that feel meaningful.
- Where can I say “no” without guilt? Identify commitments, gatherings, or traditions that feel more like obligations than celebrations. Giving yourself permission to decline is a gift to your energy.
- Which small gestures could make this season memorable? Consider simple acts: a cozy breakfast, a handwritten note, or a quiet walk—that create lasting memories without adding stress.
- How can I honor my own rhythm and my loved ones’ needs? Balance your energy with theirs. Maybe your introverted partner or child needs quiet moments, while someone else thrives on connection. How can you accommodate both?
- What would a “slow holiday” look like for me this year? Visualize your ideal day or week: fewer tasks, more intentional time, cozy rituals, and meaningful connections. Use this vision to guide decisions and set priorities.

Giving Yourself Permission

Here’s your reminder: you don’t owe anyone a performance. Not your extended family, not your neighbors, and certainly not Instagram. The love in your life isn’t measured in elaborate spreads and social media likes. It’s measured in laughter, presence, and the kind of memories that live long after the décor is packed away.

So, as we are on the edges of the holiday whirlwind kicks off, I invite you to try a different approach: choose quiet over chaos. Choose presence over performance. Choose the kind of season that feels like yours.

Because at the end of the day, the glitter fades. What lasts are the cozy, small, slow, intentional moments—the ones that make an intentional holiday season truly meaningful. When you slow down, honor your own rhythm, and focus on what matters most, you create space for connection, joy, and memories that linger long after the lights are packed away.