7 Myths About Boundaries That Keep You Stuck

Boundaries are one of the hardest things to set and yet they’re critical to loving your life. That’s why I want to explore myths about boundaries. Because if we’re being honest, a lot of the resistance to setting healthy boundaries doesn’t come from reality. It comes from the stories we’ve been told.

Somewhere along the way, someone planted the idea that boundaries are selfish, that they’ll make people mad, or that if you were truly kind you wouldn’t need them. Those myths have kept countless women stuck in people-pleasing cycles, saying yes when every cell in their body wanted to say no, and then wondering why they’re so exhausted.

Here’s the truth, my dear: boundaries aren’t about building walls or shutting people out. They’re about choosing peace over resentment, clarity over confusion, and self-respect over burnout. So let’s bust some of the most common myths about boundaries so you can finally stop feeling guilty for protecting your energy.

Myth #1: Boundaries Are Selfish

This is probably the biggest myth about boundaries, and it’s flat-out wrong. Boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re self-care. When you honor your limits, you show up with more patience, more kindness, and more love. And it can be key to building self-trust.

If you’re honest with yourself, you recognize that the most generous people you know probably aren’t the ones running themselves ragged while secretly resenting everyone around them. They’re the ones who know when to pause, when to rest, and when to say, “Not right now.” When you stop pouring from an empty cup, your giving becomes more genuine.

Boundaries don’t take you out of the equation. They make you sustainable, which means the people you care about actually get the best version of you.

Myth #2: Boundaries Push People Away

Somewhere, someone decided that saying “no” automatically meant you were cold or distant. But the opposite is usually true. Healthy boundaries actually protect closeness. Without them, resentment builds. With them, you can stay connected without burning out.

Ponder an experience in the past when you agreed to do something you didn’t want to do. Did it bring you closer to that person? Or did you feel secretly annoyed and avoid them afterward?

If someone runs every time you assert a limit, the relationship wasn’t as solid as you thought. The people who love and respect you will stay—and they’ll probably breathe a sigh of relief that you finally stopped pretending you could do everything.

Myth #3: Once You Set a Boundary, People Will Always Respect It

I wish this one were true. Unfortunately, boundaries often get tested. People are used to the old version of you—the one who always said yes, the one who picked up the slack, the one who never complained. So the first (or tenth) time you say “no,” they might push back.

That doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong. It means you have to keep reinforcing it. Boundaries aren’t magic spells. They’re commitments you make to yourself, and sometimes you have to repeat them until people get the message.

And here’s the kicker: every time you hold the line, you’re not only training others. You’re training yourself to trust that you’ll stand up for what you need. That’s how boundaries and self-trust become best friends.

Myth #4: If I Explain My Boundary Well Enough, Everyone Will Agree

This one is sneaky because it feels reasonable. Surely, if you explain yourself, people will understand. But here’s the truth about boundaries: some people won’t like them no matter how many words you use. You don’t need to launch into a 20-minute TED Talk on why you can’t attend the baby shower or why you’re not answering texts after 9 p.m. A simple “That doesn’t work for me” is enough.

The people who demand endless explanations aren’t looking for clarity. No, my dear, they’re looking for loopholes. Remember: your boundary isn’t a group project. You don’t need a stamp of approval to decide what works for you.

Myth #5: Boundaries Make You Unkind

There’s a big difference between being kind and being a doormat. Boundaries don’t erase your compassion; they actually help you express it more authentically. When you’re not stretched so thin, you can give from a place of genuine love rather than obligation. You can show up without that simmering resentment bubbling under the surface.

And here’s the thing: kindness without boundaries is really you being unkind to yourself! Boundaries are what allow your kindness to stay kind.

Myth #6: Good People Don’t Need Boundaries

This myth has deep roots. Many of us were taught that “good women” or “good parents” give endlessly, sacrifice constantly, and never complain. But let’s be honest: that version of “good” leaves you bitter, tired, and invisible. Good people need boundaries precisely because they care so much. Without them, their capacity to love and give gets drained. With boundaries, their goodness can actually flourish without self-destruction.

And here’s the real truth, sugarplum: your boundaries protect your best qualities—your kindness, your generosity, your creativity—so they don’t get buried under exhaustion and resentment.

Myth #7: Boundaries Are Walls, Not Fences

Boundaries often get painted as harsh, rigid walls. But I prefer to think of them as fences with gates. You get to decide who and what comes in, and you get to decide when. A fence doesn’t mean isolation. It means intentionality. This is one of the myths about boundaries that keeps people the most stuck: believing that boundaries mean shutting everyone out. But the truth is, they help you let the right people in.

Healthy boundaries create space for freedom, not imprisonment. They allow you to welcome in what nourishes you while keeping out what harms you. And that’s not only wise. The my darling, is empowering.

The Truth About Boundaries

When you strip away the myths about boundaries, what you’re left with is freedom. Boundaries aren’t selfish. They don’t push people away. They won’t make you mean. They’re not walls that lock you in. Boundaries are an invitation to live with more peace, more energy, and more authenticity.

The next time guilt or fear creeps in, remember this: boundaries aren’t about controlling others. They’re about choosing what kind of life you want to live. And you, my dear, deserve a life that feels spacious, not suffocating.

Want to go deeper? Start noticing where resentment or exhaustion pops up in your life. That’s usually your soul waving a little flag saying, “A boundary would help here.”

The truth about boundaries is that they’re not the enemy of love, they’re the foundation of it. Setting boundaries is a way to build self-trust. And once you start dismantling the myths about boundaries, you’ll find that setting them feels a whole lot less scary. And a whole lot more freeing.