No matter who you are, you’ve probably experienced those moments when you realize that people you come in contact with daily are, quite frankly, toxic. This can range from being around a co-worker that constantly complains. And escalate to people that, basically, treat you like a doormat. And, no matter how vigilant you may try to be, others can have an astounding ability to impact our emotions.
On the other hand, surrounding yourself with positive folks has the ability to help you protect yourself. Who hasn’t felt better after spending time with someone that would rather boost you up than bring you down? It helps build your confidence and help you feel more ready to chase your dreams.
Did you know that for every negative interaction with someone that we need five positive interactions to counteract that?
So, if the people around you take advantage and leave you feeling unappreciated, you’re more liable to lack confidence. Now you can see how many of us slip into ‘the doormat mentality.’ And the thing is, efforts to impress or gain approval almost invites folks to take advantage of us. We’re all human. And it can be easy to assume that our efforts will be awarded, right?
But, those thanks rarely come when you’re dealing with toxic people. That’s because, when you nominate yourself like this too often, you become indispensable rather than appreciated. Soon, you may find yourself forever saying yes to things you don’t want to do, and which don’t make you feel good.
As you can see, behavior like this is a downward spiral, and it can do real damage to your relationships with others and yourself. That’s why it’s vital to shake the doormat mentality sooner rather than later. If this is a habit you’re guilty of, then, keep reading to find out how you can overcome it.
The first key to not allow people to treat you like a doormat: learn to say no.
It may seem simple, but it’s incredible how much power you can take back by learning to say no. Embracing opportunities and saying yes does have its benefits, but only to an extent. If your boss or best friend know that you’ll say yes to everything, it won’t be long before they begin to rely on that. And, that’s when doing a favor goes from helping you feel good to getting you down. Next time someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do or don’t have time to do, just say no. It’ll be tough, especially if you’ve been a yes-person for a while, but you’ll soon get used to it.
You’re sure to feel more confident and empowered the moment those words leave your lips. Most of the time, other people won’t even bat an eyelid about your refusal, either.
When you value yourself, you are more immune to toxic people.
Often, this doormat behavior originates from a failure to value yourself. If you feel invisible and unimportant, doing favors for other people may be your way of making a mark. As mentioned, though, acts like these rarely result in the recognition you strive. In fact, continually filling your time with tasks for other people can make you feel even worse in the long-run.
Instead, you must learn to value yourself and stop this cycle. To get started here, think about how often you put off an activity or task for yourself to please others. Then, stop doing it. Take time to realize that doing the things you want to do should always come first. Then, make an effort to carve out those dates and stick with them the way you would a commitment with anybody else.
You, my darling, must be a priority in your own life.
Remember that you don’t have to stand alone.
We often believe that in order to feel confident, we have to do everything alone. That’s just not true! In fact, getting help is a sign of strength. It may be as simple as having a conversation with a supportive friend. Sometimes, though, you may need professional help. Especially if you believe you deserve to be treated like a doormat. It can be challenging to gain the courage to stand up for yourself at last. What’s more, the longer this goes on, the worse it gets.
This is why coaches are so invaluable when you’re trying to shed your life of toxic people. Because coaches believe in YOU often before you believe in yourself. And can help you shift your mindset to the positive.
is your workplace where you most feel like a doormat? Then getting help will be invaluable. For example, ff a colleague is bullying you, a visit to HR can be invaluable. If your boss or colleagues are taking advantage of you, you may even find that you can seek legal assistance to change the situation. Equally, if your boss keeps expecting you to work extra without paying you for it, a professional like the wage theft attorneys at Turley Law Firm can make sure you get what you’re owed.
Rather than being a sign of weakness as many assume, seeking help like this is a sure way of standing up for yourself at last. And, you get to do it all with some added support.
Last, but not least, begin to grow your confidence through gratitude and affirmations.
If you’ve fallen prey to being a doormat in all areas of your life, then a little positive reinforcement can be helpful. Outside of getting some help from others, you can begin retraining your thoughts by beginning a gratitude practice. Combining this with writing affirmations can also boost your confidence. Now, while this isn’t a magic fix, over time you will be able to be more confident in standing up for yourself.
My darling, no one deserves to be in toxic relationships. And you sure don’t deserve to be treated like a doormat. Instead, remember that you’re worth more, and put a stop to people taking advantage once and for all.
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