I have to say, I’m really proud of you. You have a lot on your plate right now and you’re keeping your head above water. But that ragged way you’re feeling right now? Waking in all hours of the night in a panic? Feeling like you’re on the verge of tears? Dull, low-grade exhaustion? That’s a sign that you’re feeling burned out. Join the club.
I say this with a mix of love and humor, my dear. Because when you’re feeling burned out, you need some humor. And, I want you to know that you are not alone. Burnout is serious and becoming an epidemic. And that’s why I want to flip that around and see it through that lens of light and laughter rather than how hard it feels when your mired in the muck.
Repeat after me: Feeling burned out? Join the club.
You joined clubs in high school and college so that you could connect with others who had your interests. You may belong to a book club now. As a way to remind yourself to nourishing your mind. And nourish your soul with the company of others. Don’t you think we should have a “Burned Out and Overwhelmed” club for us women?
Because when we are part of a club we have camaraderie. And support. We are reminded that we aren’t alone in how we feel. Or what we’re thinking. And you know what else you have in a good club? You have honest discussions that give you insight. And folks that will help you gain perspective.
Feeling burned out? Join the club. At least my little virtual club here and let’s talk about this.
Let’s pretend that we’re having a club meeting. Maybe it’s a whole group of us. Or maybe today, it’s just you and I. We’re going to dig into this whole feeling burned out thing. Dig into the underlying whys. And better yet? We’re going to talk about what to do about it!
What do you need to know about feeling burned out?
First up, darling, you need to know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are not a wimp. You are not undisciplined. Feeling overwhelmed isn’t a sign from the universe that you’re missing some magic ability to handle whatever life throws at you.The truth of the matter is this: you have too much on your plate.
Feeling burned out is a red flag. It’s your soul’s attempt to get your attention. And what is it telling you? Maybe you’re putting too much pressure on yourself to accomplish too many things all at once. And I completely understand. You have real obligations. And deadlines.
So, I’m going to tell you what your heart and soul have been trying to tell you for awhile now: you deserve so much more in your daily life.You deserve more than to simply exist. You cannot continue to take on obligation after obligation and push yourself to the brink of collapse.
Now what I have to say next may have you wondering if you want to join my little club. But stick with me, ok?
At the core of feeling overwhelmed and burned out is that mind of yours. Our thoughts create our reality. Our minds tell us that we have no choice. That scared inner critic of yours tells you that you cannot say no to anyone. Because, if you say no? And put up boundaries? People may not like you.
Digest that for just a minute.You are sacrificing your mental health (and probably physical health, too) by allowing the wants of others to be a higher priority than your own self-care. And, darling, that has got to stop.
Now, your fear? That people may not like you? Or worse: may not love you? Our fears try to keep us small. And isolated. Our fears tell us that we are all alone. That everyone else is able to handle a crazy busy life. That it’s just YOU that feels this way.
Fear is also a liar. So, let’s bust that lie. And dig into that inner courage of yours and let’s go forward. Because, darling, you are not alone.
When you’re feeling burned out, join the club. And let’s talk about how to deal.
There are some real, concrete you can do to help ease the burden of feeling burned out. Note that this is not a magical pill that instantly fixes things. Nor will it relieve overwhelm 100% of the time. This is a concrete tool that will help you manage things. So, do it now. And any time those familiar feelings start to come back? You can turn to these steps to help you push back against this pressure. And help you enjoy your life again.
First and most importantly, you need to start by making a brain dump.
Get it all out. List all the reasons why you are feeling burned out, the things that you have going on. You can write this in your journal, on your computer, on note cards, whatever works for you. (Personally I like note cards.) Write it all down so you can see it in front of you.
Next, identify the main categories your responsibilities fall under.
There will be work responsibilities, of course. And probably a lot of things have to do with your family. If necessary, divide the family tasks into immediate family (children, spouse) and extended family (siblings, parents, etc.). Note family adjacent responsibilities, such as support kid’s activities (PTA, Booster Club). Or care-giving (parents to the doctor, making meals for them).
There might also be tasks on your list like maintaining some semblance of order in the house. And did you remember to include the responsibilities you have when it comes to caring for yourself?
Decide what tasks can be deleted or shared.
With everything sorted into categories, you can now analyze your tasks and responsibilities. Decide what you should continue to do. Ask yourself what you can stop doing. What feels like an obligation only? What’s the worst that would happen if you just didn’t do it?
Also look to see what others in your household can do. Have a family meeting and discuss how your spouse (or kiddos) can relieve some of the pressure by taking on responsibilities. Sure, no one loads the dishwasher as perfectly as you. But isn’t done better than perfect?
And remember that paying for support is a way of delegating. Hiring a person to clean the house so that it’s easier to maintain rather than try to catch up with the never-ending battle against the dust bunnies. Pick up some ready-made meals from the grocery store.
Shift Your Mindset.
For tasks that you cannot delegate or delete, shift your mindset. When you make the decision to see these tasks as “choices” not obligations? Your brain begins to see them as loving choices. Not more reasons to feel overwhelmed. I know that this seems like semantics on the surface, but, darling, your mind is a powerful thing.
Just like our thoughts add to us feeling burned out? They can also save us from feeling burned out. Using that mighty power of decision will help immensely.
Define some non-negotiable standards and boundaries.
Now that you’ve identified what’s causing you to feel burned out? Ensure that it’s less likely to happen by defining some non-negotiable standards for your life. And, the next time someone asks you to do something? You’re better prepared to say yes – or no. This is about setting better boundaries.
Continue through this process until your list of responsibilities becomes significantly smaller. Can you already feel that feeling of burnout begin to lessen?
If you’re feeling burned out join the club. Here’s some of our club “rules” (aka habits to cultivate)
- Commit to getting enough sleep. You need a set sleep schedule. And you need to get 7-8 hours of sleep every night. The dangers of sleep deprivation are very real. If you’re not getting enough sleep, and not getting it consistently? That’s the same thing as having several glasses of wine in one sitting. And you can’t be in control of your life if you’re constantly in a fog.
- Set your morning up for success with morning routines and rituals. Rituals such as meditation, prayer, journaling, or a morning sweat session will support you. Crate a morning routine that empowers you. And gets you energized to start the day.
- Identify the energy vampires in your life. Say goodbye to anyone that drains you. Ditch the drama queens. Distance yourself from all the Negative Nellies.
- Create a gratitude practice. I know, I know, easier said than done when you’re feeling burned out and overwhelmed. Gratitude is truly a saving grace.
- Make the conscious decision to BE HAPPY. Your unhappiness and constant feeling of of burnout if a sign that you think happiness is eluding you. Stop your endless pursuit of happiness and the Next Thing and choose to be happy right here, right now.
- Take some time to plan. And be willing to go “old school”. When you take the time to get everything down on paper, you can gain perspective. Maybe you think you have a good memory. Or you depend upon the reminder on your phone. Being able to write down what you have going on in the next few weeks will help you better visualize what’s ahead.
- Meal planning is your friend. Just like you need sleep, your body needs good food. And, we all know how easy going through the drive-thru is when we’re tired. Planning ahead helps you eat better. And, a meal plan allows other family members to take some dinner-time responsibility by pitching in!
And a dose of reality about being a member of the “Feeling Burned Out” Club.
Though I know that I am always in a position of choice? That doesn’t mean that I always remember that. Because, choosing to be happy isn’t the same as always feeling happy. And you will have moments of feeling overwhelmed again. And yes, you may feel like you’re on the edges of burn out. Remember that all of this mindset work. And the decision to cultivate new habits to protect yourself from burnout isn’t a once and done thing.
This is why I often say you need to cultivate a life you love.
Cultivating is something we do time and time again. To ensure that we continue to find love and nourishment in our daily lives.
I have the deepest faith that your daily life can be transformed into something extraordinary. Even when you feel like you’ll never recover from feeling constantly busy and burned out? There is hope. Rather than letting life trample upon your heart? Take a breath and a step back. Decide to live a more nourished life.
By tuning into the things that make our hearts free and our brains working at their best, we can live our lives to the fullest.
Though you may not find the “Burned Out and Overwhelmed Club for Women” in any local directory doesn’t mean there isn’t support out there for you.
It’s just a phone call away.
Coaching can be an amazing way to get the support you need. Coaching allows you to talk through potential pitfalls and solutions? Do you desperately need support around your crazy-busy life? You can find details about packages and pricing here.
Get in touch or drop me an email at: debra AT debrasmouse.com and we’ll schedule a call to see if we’re a good fit.