Grief is something that we all have to deal with eventually, and it affects everyone in different ways. If someone you know is grieving the loss of a loved one, it’s important to make your support known and let them know they can rely on you. Don’t assume they have all the help they could need – after all, if everyone were to do this, they would have no support at all.
There are many ways you can help guide a friend or family member through grief. The important thing is to approach this with patience and kindness. Remember that grief is not a linear process. It’s something that does not follow a schedule and is not a checklist to be completed.
Someone might be seemingly fine with the loss and then be devastated by grief in the most unexpected way six months later. Or the person might be inconsolable in the weeks following the death only to quickly pick themselves back up and get on with life a month later.
Whatever the path your loved one is on, there are some things that are universal in grief. These are our tips for supporting a loved one in their time of loss.
Encourage them to avoid making big decisions
The general advice following loss is to avoid making big decisions in the wake of the death for at least one year. This means delaying decisions like selling a property, closing a business or having a change of career.
Grief can distort perceptions and make it difficult to make sound judgements. With this in mind, it’s important to leave any big life-changing decisions until the person is no longer in the grips of grief.
Help them plan a memorial
The funeral and wake are often thrown together in a state of shock. Often, those closest to the deceased have no recollection of the day. This means that they may miss out on the opportunity to honor their loved one and say goodbye.
As a friend or family member, you can support them by helping them plan a memorial for a time when their grief has become more manageable. This could be a time when they scatter the ashes of their loved one in a special location.
The memorial could also be about how they pay tribute to the deceased. Perhaps they would like help in choosing a piece of memorial jewelry (www.asheswithart.com sells a really great range!), planting a tree, or gathering the resources for a memorial bench.
Help them take care of basic needs
Grief can make the smallest tasks seem insurmountable. Childcare, cooking, finding time to exercise and so much more can all go out of the window when faced with grief. You can be a supportive friend or loved one by taking these difficult tasks off their hands.
And rather than offering, just do it. Drop healthy and nutritious food on their porch without being asked to do so. Show up to help care for their kids when you know they have admin to deal with. Or you could encourage them to go for a walk with you which will offer the dual benefit of giving them time in nature and some exercise.
Doing rather than offering to do is so helpful for those handling grief, as it removes the feeling that you are asking for help. Many people struggle to ask for help, but they will accept it if it is readily available to them.
It might seem like a small task to you, but it will go a long way in helping the person to get back on their feet while they are navigating the lonely world of grief.
