Choose Love

T hough each of us is on an individual journey here in this world, there is always a common connection to others. As a coach, I’m able to witness these the underlying themes that we all wrestle with. In a recent week of coaching, I saw the same similar questions coming from quite different 15229339430_532bb95276_opeople.

Though these questions are quite different from the surface, their commonality is: love.

Am I the only one who…

(feels this way, thinks this way, struggles with this….).   Connection with others during this journey in life is part of the deepest of human desires. It’s why we laugh with strangers at the grocery store, talk about our favorite television shows and books, and sit down to coffee or cocktails with a friend. We want to be assured that in our “individuality” that we are still not alone.

Am I worthy…..

(feeling that what I do isn’t important in the big scheme of things or that what I do isn’t valuable to my family).  Each one of us is born into this planet  – as we are – in all of our imperfection – worthy of being loved, following our dreams, and belonging. It’s so easy to compare ourselves with others and feel that we are working really hard in our lives, yet “they” seem to be working less and bringing more value to the world.

I’m sorry, but if God had wanted everyone to be the same, then there would be no carpenters, painters, writers, chefs, homemakers, lovers…. we would all be androgynous beings – looking the same and doing the same and how boring would that BE? What each person does on a daily basis is valuable and worthy. And darling, comparison is truly a thief of creativity and joy.

I love my life so much, so why should I want more?

And along the same lines “Life is so sweet right now, but I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”  Oh, darling, I know this very well. We finally begin creating the kind of life we dreamed of and are afraid that over time, the shine will dull…or that we should simply be satisfied…or that we should just quit moving forward while we’re ahead. I believe that each of us is meant to continue to grow and learn and evolve as we age. We may go several years of “leveling out”.  We may feel that there is nothing new to learn. If you’re open and willing, oh, darling, there IS!  (and when things feel less shiny, I can tell you I look to may daily routines and rituals and see where I’ve become slack or am not doing what nourishes me)

This is what I have discovered as the real “truth”.

We are LOVE from the moment we burst forth into this world. We are bundles of curiosity and playful and joy.  And yes, life happens and our inner critic tries to keep us from “getting into trouble”. Many folks had challenging childhoods filled with shame and discipline that wasn’t healthy.

But now, we are adults. We get to choose how our lives are lived. We get to choose LOVE.  Love of ourselves. Love of our families. Love of adventure. Love of our dreams.  Love, darling, is always going to show you the way.

Of course, the yin of Love’s yang is fear. Fear is present and a choice as well.  We fear failure and we fear success. We fear not being worthy or loveable. We fear that we don’t deserve what we have.  Fear appears sometimes as logic. Fear manifests itself in the way of clutter – physical clutter and that “I’m too busy” clutter on our calendars. We can numb and hide and allow fear to be our underlying way of life.

The thing is, kitten, we can step into our fears to choose love instead. Courage, my dear, is not an absence of fear. It’s simply doing it even though it’s scary.  In fact, this week, do just ONE THING for the love.  Maybe it’s relaxing with a book, or sipping coffee at a coffee shop, or playing in the leaves. (You know, instead of being busy or doing chores or what you “should” be doing.)

Best advice: choose yourself and choose love.

Because you are the boss of your life. I know that it feels so scary, but when you choose to be brave and step into that fear, you will discover that life is richer on the other side of that fear. Because, I promise you, that when you choose love (even if it’s not wholly perfect) you will create a life that you love.

Debra is a life coach, writer, and tarnished southern belle. She resides in Dayton, OH.
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