Co-parenting is a term used to describe the arrangement of parenting after a divorce or separation. Typically, the parents will live in separate homes and their children will split their time between each home. The actual arrangement may be determined between the couple or by the courts, but once the time split is decided, the parents have to decide how to navigate this change.
Co-parenting can be healthy and productive, provided both parents are on board and willing to compromise on occasion. Although your relationship might be over, your relationship as parents is not, so you need to find a way to put your child’s needs first. We’re sharing some of our favorite tips for raising kids together while splitting up.
Get on the same page
The first challenge will be to make sure you are on the page about the most important factors such as health, nutrition, education and routine. Rather than waiting until big conversations need to happen, try to anticipate them, so you can make decisions about the future without pressure.
You could make this part of your co-parenting agreement, so you can both agree on things such as which school your child should go to and when they should be allowed a phone. Once these agreements are made, both parents need to be committed to following them.
Establish a routine
Children need consistency, so they need to know that life will always look the same, no matter which parent they are with. It can be upsetting for children if their routine changes drastically between homes.
If you have separated due to fundamental differences in the way you want to raise your children, then this might be more difficult. You may need to turn to mediation to settle any disagreements over how to handle important factors.
Write everything down
It’s easy to let things fall between the cracks when you switch to a co-parenting arrangement. You go from being under the same roof and tackling everything together to splitting time and having to make sure nothing is missed.
The best way to manage this is with a diary that travels back and forth with the child or children. Write down important notes that need to be observed by the other parent, so things like dentist appointments and school engagements are never missed.
Agree when it’s appropriate to introduce new partners
It’s natural to want to move on, but this can add an extra layer of discomfort to the co-parenting arrangement. Before it becomes an issue, try to decide between you when it would be appropriate to introduce a new partner. At the very least, give your ex a heads-up so they don’t have to learn the news from their child.
Get professional help
Supporting your mental health in the time following the breakup will help you to be a better parent. Professional counselling can help you to process your feelings and learn healthy coping strategies for when you are struggling. You might assume that the difficult part will be parenting solo, but many parents find it is actually the time when their child isn’t there that is the most difficult.
Maintain respectful communication
You might be angry with your ex, but you have to remember that the person you want to badmouth is also your child’s parent. By keeping communication respectful and not painting your ex in a negative light, you can make the transition less stressful on your child. Some co-parents find that it helps to over-correct and make sure that they say kind things about their ex to ensure their children don’t pick up on any negativity.
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