What’s a Sex Kitten?

I ’ve heard from more than one person that they don’t quite understand what an Inner Sex Kitten is, let alone why I’d create an lipstick_greg_hildebrandtentire year-long program to help you Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar. Let me tell you darling, it may not be what you think.

Let’s go back to the beginning for each of us: our original birthday.

I believe that each of us is born into this world as a bright and shiny bundle of beautiful energy and joy. From the moment we burst forth into this world, we are worthy of being loved, cherished and adored.

I also believe that each of us knows, instinctively, what’s right for us. Our gut instincts will guide us towards our innate talents. So, here we are:  these glowing, shiny, creative and innately happy creatures with an instinct to grow and evolve into our best selves as we grow up.

But then, life happens.

The people who care for us – our parents, our siblings, our teachers – do their best to guide us into being “good citizens.” Through discipline, they try to get us to understand the rules and “shoulds” of polite society. In most cases, they don’t do this to be malicious. It’s because they have been taught that in order to be accepted and loved and successful, you must adhere to a certain set of rules.

What happens, though, is that we begin to mold ourselves into who we aren’t. We model behaviors in order to fit in. Some of us become chameleons. We talk, dress and eat like those who are perceived to be “good.” We read the “right” books, take the “right” classes, go to the right church, and behave in the “right way”.

For those of us who grow up in families with a parent who has no love of self, we come to believe that we must live within very tight lines. This is because our parent doesn’t have the necessary skill-set to nurture someone who doesn’t behave according to their idea of perfect. As a result, we begin to equate any behavior outside of the box of expectations with the withholding of affection from those we love (and depend upon) the most.

Those bright and shiny humans we were born to be? Oh, they are still there, deep inside of us, but they certainly aren’t visible on the surface. We get in trouble for being too loud or too messy or too big. And so we begin to shrink into smaller, watered down versions of ourselves. It’s pretty sad, isn’t it?

Instead of honoring our birthright to stand out as shining individuals, we do everything in our power to simply blend in.

The truth of the matter is, we do this not because we believe we are dulling our own spirits, but because we desire to make those we love happy. We also do it to stay safe, to be loved, accepted, cared for and, of course, to keep ourselves from getting punished.  Yes, we close off those parts of us that make us truly unique because we equate love, comfort and security with being good girls (and boys).

Whenever our hearts or our minds try to point us in different directions, we resist. We believe this inner child (or inner demon ) is simply trying to draw us away from love and into trouble. We spend a lifetime chasing love and hustling for worthiness. We sell our souls so that we will fit in and often settle for what we don’t want because it’s what’s expected of us.

In the very depths of our souls, we know that we’re missing something. We hide behind masks and our roles and lives, and we find a way to numb the pain of what is missing. We numb with busyness, food, shopping and other such things.

All the while, a small still voice inside of us keeps trying to be heard.  That voice? That core presence of who we are born to be in this world? That, darling, is what I call your Inner Sex Kitten.

For myself – and many of my clients – there is a rock bottom place where we don’t know who we are or what we want. A place where we have landed. In that place, we either avoid mirrors because we don’t want to even glimpse what we’ve allowed ourselves to become, or we make a point of looking at each one, in order to prove to ourselves that we’re not actually invisible.

Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar is about breaking free from all of our old beliefs. It’s about slowly, but surely, removing the masks and finding our way back to the path we were meant to walk since birth.

You see, I don’t know who you were born to be. I don’t believe that wearing specific clothes, styling your hair a specific way or wearing the right shoes or make-up makes you a sex kitten. What unleashes YOUR inner sex kitten is defined by you.

On your terms. Your life. Your way.

What I do know is that you can rediscover her – your own inner sex kitten – if you’re willing to do the work. I believe that the version of yourself that you unleash will be an even stronger and more vibrant being than you were at birth, because you have a lifetime of experiences to draw upon.

One of my own gifts is that I always see the best in you, even when you can’t. Even before you’ve seen her, I can recognize the bright and shining beacon you are in the process of becoming.

My role is to give you tools and ask you questions during your journey. Yes, some of those tools are related to sexuality and relationships. There are also pieces that have to do with fear, courage, vulnerability, perfection, and so much more.

What you gain with me is someone who’s experienced a lot of life. Someone who has been there and really understands how you feel.

You also get someone who’s in your corner, regardless of what your mom or best friend might think, I will always be on your side. Someone to applaud you and love you as you are. Someone to remind you that you are worthy of being loved. Someone to assure you that you do deserve to be happy. Someone to show you that you are allowed to create a life on your terms. Someone to help you create it.

Look. I know that you can create all kinds of changes in your life completely on your own.

What I also know is that you don’t have to do it alone. From experience as a person that’s changed her life  in more ways than I’ve ever shared has been made easier by having a little help.  It’s so valuable to have someone remind me that I am a worthy human being and am too hard on myself. We all need to be witnessed and be held accountable to our own desires.  I know that the journey into becoming who you desire to be and were born to be is a little easier when you have help along the road.

Whether you’re just beginning to realize that you are meant for more than existing, you’ve begun to step out of the tight little box you’ve lived in,  or have already gone through major changes in your life and are embarking on your next stage of transformation.

Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar is a tremendous asset  and loving guide to creating life long change in your world. Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar is a collection of the tools I used to become devoted to the vision of the life I desired. There are six modules of lessons, a companion workbook containing all the worksheets and writing prompts, and more.


And, no, you don’t need fixing or to be rescued, but working with a coach can help the journey. You can bundle Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar with 6 coaching sessions.


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Debra is a life coach, writer, and tarnished southern belle. She resides in Dayton, OH.