T here seems to be this undercurrent of belief that once you create a life you love, each and every day is going to be picture-perfect.

Here’s daily life:  You will rise in the morning alert and ready to face the coming day.  You will serenely meditate, get some exercise, and eat a delicious, By Jon Whitcombhand-crafted breakfast. You will purposefully approach your clutter-free desk and be inspired, profound, and productive.

You will break for lunch to a delicious (and healthy) meal, possibly with a close girlfriend.  You will conduct client calls and find that each client is doing their work and moving toward their perfect life.

After working with said perfect clients, you will lovingly water your plants and check on your herb garden, which is blissfully free of weeds. You will then do a brief run to the farmer’s market for fresh (and in season) veggies, and upon returning home, begin to prepare a gourmet meal.

All of this will be done with you perfectly coiffed: designer clothes, perfect hair and make-up, and of course, with sexy high heels.  June Cleaver meets Brigitte Bardot.

The perfection of your day continues.

Your honey will come home from work, sweep you into a romantic kiss, and the two of you will share an intimate and delicious dinner, engage in lively conversation, and end with a passionate embrace that will find its way to your bedroom.  After an intense tangle in the sheets, you will fall asleep with a smile on your face and gratitude on your mind, and your sleep will be that of the angels.

Because, if you are going to create a life you love, then obviously there can be no bumps in the road.

And if your life isn’t this picture-perfect? Why, you must be on the wrong path.  Or you aren’t performing your intentions correctly. Or your energy is screwed up because you seem to be losing friends, instead of attracting them. Or you’re too damned tired for romance.

You have bought into the belief that only when every portion of your life is in a state of perfection, then you will have finally arrived. That you are living the life of your dreams and the proof is in the perfection.

Please let me call a resounding bullshit on this belief.

I am head over heels in love with my life, truly. I love waking and snuggling with JB every morning.  I love the ritual of my morning coffee and the routine of making JB’s lunch to send him off feeling loved and supported.  I adore my clients and am awed at their courage and zest for living.

But, baby, that sure as hell doesn’t mean that love equals perfection.

There are mornings when I wake feeling groggy and in need of a more snuggle time than our schedules can accommodate.  There are days when I am irritated as hell at JB for something incredibly minor and unimportant. There are days when I realize at 3 PM that all  I’ve consumed that day is cup of coffee, some veggie chips and a scoop of hummus.

There are weeds in the flower bed and writer’s block in my brain.

And yes, there are days when I look at the clock and it’s 5 PM, and I’m un-showered and still in my workout clothes. To realize that the only choices for dinner are pasta with sauce I stuck in the freezer a month ago or scrambled eggs and I’m too damned tired to go to the grocery store.

There are also days when JB arrives home, bone-tired,  and the furthest thing from his mind is romance, let alone intimate conversation. And those days often coincide with me being mentally and emotionally exhausted, too, from a day filled with clients in crisis and not enough coffee.

Those are the nights when you don’t see a photo of my dinner. Those are the nights when our imperfect dinner consisted of cheese, toast,  and wine.

I have moments of loneliness.  I wonder about my next step.  I ponder the transitions life dishes up on a regular basis.

I have awesome days and shitty days.

But just as a shitty rough draft doesn’t mean there isn’t a kernel of good writing, a shitty day doesn’t mean that there is not a moment of utter love and beauty.  That respite served up as a perfect minute that reminds me that, in the big picture of living, it will be ok.

Like Monday night, sitting by JB’s side on the deck with a glass of wine while we each read until it became too dark to see.  There was little conversation, but there was the comfort of our side-by- side companionship as we each wound down from equally challenging days.

There was, in those moments, perfection, love, faith, and the knowledge that I am actively creating the life I was born to live.

I am head-over-heels in love with my life and that’s part of my deepest truth.

And to stay in love with this life I’ve created, I know as fact that it means life will never be perfect.

If you are desiring to create a life you love, then let me share what I know to be true…

Life isn’t perfect and isn’t intended to be perfect, for there is beauty in all the imperfections.

Pretending that our lives are perfect does a disservice to our soul’s growth.  It’s as if we are saying there was never struggle or lessons learned or mistakes along the way.

Learning to extend ourselves grace is a gift from God. We are not meant to flagellate ourselves, but to accept ourselves as we are and remember that mistakes are a part of living a rich and full life.

Forgiving others will set us on the path to freeing our souls from the shadows.

Learning to receive forgiveness will allow you to continue to move forward along your path.

Running from the shadow emotions will exhaust us in the long run. You can’t run forever from grief or sadness or pain.

The pain of shadow emotions can be fleeting if you choose to feel them. Feeling the shadow emotions will allow you to move through them more quickly and into the feelings you desire.

There is no such thing as selective numbing.  To feel ecstasy and love and joy and happiness, you have to have experience the gamut of life.

It is never too late to create the kind of life you desire.

Creating awareness around where things stand in your world will help you begin to move forward.

Don’t underestimate the power of decision.

You can’t just think about things, you must take action.

When you begin creating a life you love, you will shed people who don’t support you or don’t agree with the changes you are making in your life. People will want you to go back to the “old you”.  This isn’t a sign that you’re off path, but instead is a reminder that you are doing the right thing for you.

People will be ugly to you because you’re happy and seem to have it together. But it isn’t personal. They are simply so mired up in unhappiness that they want everyone to be unhappy, too.

Trust your gut.  Have faith.

Believe in the power of love.

When it comes to everything I share with you hear (and in my newsletter), I desire to be as vulnerable and open with you as I can while still protecting my tender spots until I’m ready to reveal the lessons I’ve learned from them. To walk my talk, so to speak. This is a delicate balance of showing humanness so that you can understand that you are not broken nor unfix-able or any such nonsense with the underlying truth that I deeply love my life and feel so blessed each and every day.

I want you to know from this imperfect, tarnished Southern Belle, that you can move beyond misery, unhappiness, challenges and loss. That you can create that perfect life for you, even if it isn’t perfect in the eyes of your family or society.

And, darling, that means that, no, your life will not be perfect.  But it doesn’t mean that you can’t revel in the beauty of the moments of perfection as you actively pursue the life of your dreams.

 

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By Debra Smouse: Writer, life coach, and Tarnished Southern Belle, Debra helps people fall in love with their life. An expert de-tangler, she believes in busting clutter as a path to greater clarity and that everyone woman is vibrant, passionate, and sexy being just itching to make their inner sex kitten roar. A native Texan, she resides in Ohio with the Man of her Dreams.

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